It's been a while since I have been swimming.
Not the splash around leisure swimming that some people do. I mean fitness swimming - lap after lap that makes the lifeguard thing that they are watching a washing machine as the water churns and makes the liquid take a life of it's own.
I joined a gym last week solely for the purpose of being able to swim. It's duo fold as it's the most remote and serene time that I can have not really engaging my brain for any other reason than to remember my timing of breathing and where I am in my set of laps.
Last week I didn't care how long it took to finish. Just that I completed my goal of a mile.
I did and it was tough. But it felt so good and natural to be back in the water. I missed it and could feel my gills growing back that day! I am such a water girl and have always been drawn to the therapeutic, hypnotic, serene peaceful bliss that I feel when I am totally involved in it's weightless blanket.
I am healing and getting stronger from my swims. It's a long road back from my recent surgeries and when I add gravity to the mix of therapy it feels like work. It's difficult and not pleasant.
Swimming is about being free, fluid, effortless AND strong. It's my element.
In middle school I actually looked forward to days that we "had to swim". Joining the synchronized swimming team as an 8th grader seemed like a natural progression to my gymnastics career....and thankfully easier on my joints.
Our workouts were brutal. Diagonal underwater swimming on one breath in a 50 yard pool. There were days in the beginning that I thought my lungs would explode! Everything in your brain is saying go to the surface!!! BREATHE!!! But you press on - and break the surface at the wall with a gaping mouth to intake as much oxygen as you could. AIR! Ahhhhhh.
It became easier and we trained ourselves in the mental game of doing more with less oxygen while above water our legs were in the splits and we were sculling like crazy with our hands to propel our body upward and eventually our face to the surface. All the while making it look easy and graceful and synchronized with our teammates.
As I fall back into the game of mental discipline of breathing and timing it becomes more natural with every 50 yards that I check off. I still felt my brain and lungs screaming today - "breathe - stop now!!!! Get a breath!!" Shut it out. Press on.
You don't sweat while you are swimming. Well - not like you do when you are working out on land. Your brain sweats. It tries to convince you to stop. It's too hard. What the heck are you thinking ?! You have to shut it out. I can do this. I have done this and I will be a strong swimmer again.
My big challenge today was to do 5 50's on the 1:10. Plainly speaking I swim 50 yards and have to do so in 1 min and 10 seconds. If I hit the wall before that time I get to rest until the next 1:10. I have not done this set for over 15 years. It was scary. But I felt like it was time to see how it would go. Good or bad. I needed to know where I was.
I knew my anaerobic capacity was down when I ran with an AED to a call the other day. I haven't run since August before the surgery. I felt like if we didn't need the AED for the patient we'd surely use it for me. That upset me. I should never be this out of shape for the work that I am expected to do. It was a real benchmark that stared me in the face. What are you going to do about it?!
5 - 50s on the 1:10. that's what I did about it. Scare myself.
Amazingly enough I made every set....coming in 5 seconds late on the last. I call that pretty good...but now I know where I am and where I need to go.
It feels good to grow my gills back. I feel so at ease and serene in the water. The fish has returned to the pond....
